This is going to sound morbid or obtuse, but I can succinctly sense that I am on the threshold of somehow leaving youth behind. You know, that number that solidifies your mid-life. I think for me, it was turning 42. It isn't sad or scary. It's simply true. I'm 42 years old. I'm not going to go buy a stupid silly car, get a boob job, have an affair or anything stupid like that. The reality is, that although I still skateboard, listen to the Libertines, give a shit about trends, etc., I'm basically exactly who I was when I was 30. I would seriously not want to be who I was at 20. Somehow, 30 stuck. And as long as Kurt (my husband) continues to drool over me, then I'm good.
I won't bore you with the details, but I think it's time to start taking self-portraits. Not for you, necessarily, to look at and give me a compliment, or tell me I indeed look middle-aged. I want to do this for me.
The main reason for this is because I am starting to look, well, not like a kid anymore. I am on a cusp. A precipice. And I realized that I do not have a single picture of myself that shows the real me. Who I am. Not one. Not a single fucking one. So I am going to start taking self-portraits. For me. For Kyle. For whoever cares about my documenting my search for "me." Yes, I sound insane. But in my head, it actually makes sense.
Here's the first one:
This is me a couple of years ago getting ready for work. I was bartending at Almond restaurant in Bridgehampton. It's real. I was tending bar about 30 minutes after this shot. Note the anxiety in my eyes and the steroid death clenching of that cigarette. You could say, quite obviously, I did not like bartending at Almond Restaurant. The owner was a raving lunatic.
People always look shocked when I tell them I'm "42," and when I get carded at the supermarket when I buy cigarettes gives me a little jolt, in reality, it doesn't really matter. I don't really care. I want to grow old gracefully. Wrinkles and all, after a year of pondering Botox and whether it would make me feel any better about getting older. I decided to look to the women I admire most: Kezia Keeble (whom I worked for many years ago), Diana Vreeland, Queen Elizabeth I, Dorothy Parker and others. None of them used Botox, and neither was I.
The Clairol Ash Blonde I've been using, well, before I turned 30, so that stays. Other than that, I am who I am. And I'm going to document it. Whether it makes me cry or not is besides the point.
I did, however, finally find the fun and addictive "Face Transformer " that takes an image and transforms it into a list of different "types," such as East-Asian, Masculinize, African-American, 50% ape, etc. Here's my set:
Original Image:
BABY Ty:
African-American Ty:
Old Ty:
Boticelli Ty:
Modigliani Ty:
50% Ape Ty:
Man Ty:
Manga Cartoon Ty:
East-Asian Ty:
West-Asian Ty:
Mucha Ty:
Try it out yourself, it's interesting and fun!
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NEW Behind Bars Ty Wenzel 9780312311032 |  |
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US $11.08 | 18d 2h 45m |
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