I am waiting for the risotto to finish.

And while I’ve been killing the time, I stepped outside to that monster backyard I am trying to finish and I took a good look at our house and mulled over, briefly, what a perfect renovation would be (something I do all the time) but it occurred to me - again - that no renovation will be complete for us until we make a finished basement for my mother. Or both my mothers.

My fiance’s mother is into serial matrimony. And she doesn’t even seem to like men, which makes this fact all the more hysterical. She’s a kick in the pants, she’s got ALL her marbles, she’s witty, and fiery and opinionated. All the things Decorno loves, of course. BUT - and this is the scary part - I also have no idea if she has a plan for retirement.

My mother is a trip. She is sweet. She is loving. She is also a nervous nellie… to the point of exhausting herself and others with her worries. All 3 of her siblings died before 40 of cancer, so she has this wild sense of… I don’t know what you would call it…. maybe a mature sense of non-obligation to corporate life. She walked away from it when was providing hospice care for my ailing grandmother. This was when I was about 15. Mom never really went back to the kind of job that lets you create your own golden parachute for the retirement years. And I can’t blame her (too much).

The result of this is that I work no matter what. I’ve always worked. I am like the Tracy Flick of work. While I take some risks, I am still pretty calculated. They way I figure it, I have to find a way to help her retire, and I would like to know I will be able to do the same.

Mothers and others. Oh boy.

When I was entering college, my brother (who is older by 3 years, and a firefighter) and I had these conversations… the “what to do with mother” conversations. We knew we had obligations and I wasn’t always as noble as he was back then. I was scared, more than anything, that I wouldn’t even know how to make a living for myself, let alone be responsible for others.

My brother, the firefighter, has a savior’s complex. I mean, of course he does - look at the line of work he chose to save himself from all the other dull options my skeezy neighborhood presented us. I didn’t (and don’t) have a savior’s complex. I have survivor’s complex. I didn’t even get a car until I was 25 because I was afraid of payments and obligations and even keeping a job, though at the time I had one that paid me more than my mom ever made. I was scared shitless of adulthood. Not of responsibility, necessarily. But scared of capability, for sure.

My friend wrote me recently, as I described the dinner I was cooking up for my people, that he admired that I was “competent.” And it was a nice thing to hear, even though on the face of it, it could seem like not the most glowing thing one could offer up. I would like to be a hero. I would like, as my brother does, to save people… from heart attacks and fires and even from drowning. But I never will. My thing, I suppose, will be survival plus. Figuring out how to get through it, and finding room in the house for all the people we need to bring along with us.

Does anyone else anticipate moving mom or dad in? Is anyone doing it? It’s such a white-person thing to think it’s weird, or at least surprising, or maybe even a burden. In other cultures it’s something to expect.

Image via For Me, For You.

Click here for good background music… I tried finding you a clickable version of “My Mom” by Chocolate Genius (yes, that’s the name and you’re not allowed to laugh…) but I couldn’t find it. Instead you get CG with Branford Marsalis and it’s good, my friends. Moody and good.

Link to the Source

If you liked this, You might also like:

1. 25 Painless Ways to Free Up an Hour a Day for Your Goals
2. “Our life is frittered away by detail. Simplify, simplify.” - Henry David Thoreau What would you do if you had...
3. Save on gift wrapping paper - and reuse !
4. Possibly not a real instructable in a strict sense, just an advice on good resources for gifts wrapping paper. And...
5. Museum of Modern Ice: Paintings Below Zero
6. In February, Chicago’s downtown Millennium Park was home to Canadian artist Gordon Halloran’s U.S. debut of his work Paintings Below...
7. San Zhi Abandoned Housing Complex
8. I posted about this amazing, abandoned housing complex outside of Taipei, Taiwan, yesterday over at Notcot. The most interesting...
9. Svärmor wallpaper
10. Shoe lovers, here’s one wallpaper for you, Svärmor by Lisa Bengtsson. Remember Lisa Bengtsson’s famous wallpaper FAMILJEN, with the...
11. Make Room for the Womb Chair
12. “The purpose of architecture is to shelter and enhance man’s life on earth and to fulfill his belief in the...
13. Bob’s Your Uncle Post It
14. My Australian co-worker often uses the phrase “Bob’s Your Uncle” apparently a British phrase that means success will come easily....
15. FORSÅ | Work lamp
16. A new mid-century inspired work lamp perfect for the hip stylized modern office. Adjustable arm and head makes it...
17. FloorPlanner Free Program!
18. Save time with floor plans! Buying a new home, rearranging your room, or moving into a new office? You...
19. Golden Shots
20. Not a speck of red or green anywhere in these gold-inspired holiday interiors photographed by Chris Everard, an incredibly...